A conversation about my faith stirred up an old pressure to explain myself until I felt understood. Even as a life coach, I’m learning that doing the work doesn’t always bring immediate closure—and that I can let discomfort linger without letting it lead.

People-pleasing and good service can look exactly the same from the outside. So what makes one healthy and the other self-abandoning? The difference may have less to do with what we do—and more to do with what we believe we’re responsible for.